A modest proposal

Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal works beautifully as a satirical piece meant not only to mock the doings of the English people but also to present good ideas to the English government on how to solve the starvation issue in Ireland.

The proposal follows all the requirements, according to Harbrace, on how to make a proposal effective. First there is a clear identifiable problem that the proposal seeks to resolve. The people of Ireland are starving and begging for sustenance and the English people have so far done practically nothing to help them. As an educated writer involved in politics Swift is concerned about this. Which brings us to the next requirement. Enough people must be concerned about the issue of one’s proposal. In this case the whole of Great Brittan was concerned. The English government’s decisions about what to do with the Irish would affect taxes, jobs, and agriculture.

Thirdly, the proposed solution will resolve the problem in a way the people will find acceptable. The solution Swift comes up with in his proposal is that the English should take the children of the Irish, kill them, and then eat them. Obviously this is not an acceptable solution which is exactly why he is proposing it. He is mocking the English’s previously proposed solutions which were racist and insufficient by saying, “If your going to do the wrong thing, why don’t you do it in the worst way possible.” In reality however, Swift is genius by mixing in genuinely good arguments into his satirical piece. He recommends to the English employ them in agriculture or to build homes.

Swift also fulfills the forth requirement which says a proposal should analyze the cost and benefits of the solution. Swift claims everyone will benefit from his heinous solution. The English will get clothed with baby leather. The Irish will get paid and fed, and the number of future beggars will be reduced from the streets. The cost is that there will be a reduction in the number of people in the kingdom which he sarcastically claims is not a great loss but a part of the solution.

The fifth requirement for a proposal is that it is directed to the appropriate audience. In this case it is the upper class English law makers. This proposal is especially effective because it mocks the people who think they are high class. It shows them how barrack they are. It also uses a style and a language that only this class would understand.

Finally, the proposal clearly explains the steps to make the baby- eating solution a reality. He describes the exact age, the size of the children, the time in which they will be taken from their mother, the kind of children that will be taken. He is very detail oriented and crafty as to why these certain requirements would make eating babies ok.

State Patty's Day

"Uuuugggghhhh. I do not want to get up early tomorrow." exclaimed the slightly intoxicated girl to her friend. The two were walking in front of me as we made our way up the brick sidewalk on Shortlidge. I presumed they were heading to east, as was I. For a moment I felt bad for this girl. It was late Friday night and I was thinking the same thing. I too had to wake up early. My shift at the Nittany Lion Inn started at eight a.m. However, all sympathizing stopped when I over heard her friend's responce.

(Sigh)"I know," said the other girl. "It's gonna be rough getting up early to drink."

This is the first State Patty's day I have experienced despite living just under an hour away. I have obviously known about State Patty's for a long time and I know many people from home have come up during this weekend to, for lack of a better term, get wasted. However, I did not know just how extreme things around State College got.

Saturday morning I woke up early and was informed that I did not have to go into work because things were slow. I decided instead to go downtown and buy a new backpack becasue I had spilled honey all through mine. I also figured that I should probably buy a State Pattys shirt for the party I was planning on attending later that night. My roommate and I were going to a dry frat with an orgaization we are involved in, Campus Crusaders for Christ. I am not against drinking but I had to work Sunday morning at seven a.m. and had no desire to make waking up in the morning harder than it was already going to be.

Donning jeans and a winter jacket, my roommate and I took the steps to the ground floor. Standing at the door was a large group of girls and guys. None of the girls were wearing coats and only a few were wearing more than shorts and high stockings. It was not freezing out but it was cold enough to make me shiver just looking at them. Green was obviously the color of choice for attire that day. Girls wore green soffee shorts and it seemed EVERYBODY had a green T-shirt on of some sort. On the way downtowm my roommate and I took notice of some of the designs on the T-shirts. We had to give the students or screen printers (whoever was responcible for the inspired shirts)credit. Some of the sayings and designs were pretty creative and funny. One inparticualar that caught my eye was a t-shirt that read, "LET'S GET READY TO STUMBLE!" I thought it was pretty ingenious.

Upon arriving downtown I was greated by a sea of green mixed with a little orange and white. By the way the streets were packed with kids, you would have thought it was a warm spring Friday or Saturday night. In reality it was just after noon. I walked in to Mcclanahans in search of a backpack. The generous display of green State Patty's day parifaniallia that had been on display in the front of the store for the past two weeks was thoroughly picked over. There was not a single t-shirt left. Still, the store was packed with kids getting last minute party accesories. They didn't have the backpack I wanted and I left without purchasing anything.

As I headed down cawlder ally (to avoid some of the crowds) I observed the students around me. There were already some clearly drunk young adults walking the steets. Vuvuzelas were blowing and students excitedly chated loudly with eachother as they prepared to party by going to local restraunts. They were obviously lining their stomaches before a night of mercilous drinking. What was most obvious to me was the astounding number of kids who were clearly NOT Penn State students. They were EVERYWHERE and they were easy to spot. They stuck out like tourists in a forgine country. And just like someone not familiar with the customs of another culture, they were unabashedly obnoxious. I suppose they thought that becasue the cops are typically pretty lax in State College, they are allowd to do absolutly whatever they want. It is no wonder the collegian said 65% of arrests last Saturday were out-of-towners.

Along the way to Rapid Transit I stopped at The Family Clothes Line only long enough to pick a t-shirt up for myself and my roommate (who had gone to Baby's with one of her friends). The store was packed and the green t-shirst at the entrance of the store were the hot ticket items. One small and one medium and I was out the door. Because I took the alley, I shielded myself from most of the hoopla. After going to Rapid Transit (their backpacks were way over priced so I didn't purchase one there either) however, I decided to brave College Avenue.

Everybody who was anybody seemed to be out. Kids wondered around the street for the sheer purpose of running into everybody they knew. Groups of kids gathered at corners and in front of the shops to talk, goof off, and plan for the night of their lives. Students hung out of the windows from the apartments above yelling to those on the streets. Protestors unsuccessfully told kids they should not drink and take part in the festivities. Girl Scouts attempted to take advanatge of the loose wallets of intoxicated students and sold cookies infront of the Big Blue on the Corner. Needless to say, after I went into the Big Blue to purchase a backpack (finally, I found the one I wanted) I bought some cookies. An ambulence even sped down College Avenue while I was on my way back to Shortlidge.

When I got back to my dorm a group of girls were in the stair well on the fith floor taking turns puking into a garbage can. More students (and non-students) were in slutty green attire. More shamrock headbands and glittery green makeup was sported. I went into my room and cleaned. My parents informed me they were making an impromptu visit that evening so once my roommate came back to get ready to go to the CRU party I told her I couldn't go. I tucked my new green t-shirt into my drawer, put on a Disney Pandora Radio station, and waited for them to arrive. I did not see downtown at night. I did not see downtown in the morning because I had to work. And I did not have a crazy State Patty's day. But mom baked pumpkin pie and brought me up some, so it was still a good day.

This cup reeks “cheap” from every angle. It is not a homey cup or a cup you would want to curl up with and read a good book. Its primary purpose is low cost functionality. It is plastic, a thin plastic at that. It is clearly designed to be thrown away after a single use. It is not dishwasher safe. This Solo cup cannot hold hot liquids and its’ primary hang-out spot is parties where people can easily write their names on them. As a kid I would associate this cup with drinking soda at family gatherings but now I associate them with college drinking parties. Drinking from these makes me feel like a young risk taker. It has a wide top and a narrower square bottom. There are ridges for your gripping purposes on the side of the cup. Solo is written down the side. This particular one is red, but they come in blue as well.


The cup to the right of my solo cup reminds me of home. This cup would be classified as a mug. I would not be seen with this cup at a college frat party but it is the first thing I grab when I feel like a cup of tea. It is very large and made of thick ceramic. The paint is shiny and mint green. There are pink, blue, and purple flowers painted on the sides of it. The base of the cup is narrow and broadens to a very wide opening at the top. The handle is very thick and sturdy. The cup is heavy in my hand. This cup’s purpose is to hold hot liquids safely. It will not melt and can be put in the dishwasher. I associate this cup with serenity and peacefulness. Rainy days and calm nights are this cup’s ideal settings. I feel mature when I drink from it, like I should be thirty sitting on a front porch swing or writing a book.